Tiring of the Bare Minimum

 I've noticed this funny thing about relationships. You're in them and it's all good for the first couple of months and once the guy says the first "I love you" they just stop putting effort in. Ok so it's not funny as in haha. But it is definitely something I've noticed.

And here's the thing, I've become tired of it. It's like something in their head clicks and says "Ok, I've got her now, so I don't have to keep putting in the effort to keep her." You try and be flirty, they shut it down because they're not in the mood (they never are, apparently), you send a message, it gets left on read and you don't hear from them until it's a goodnight message. There's a change and I don't like it.

I've had it recently, the affection rapidly dried up and part of me wanted so desperately to believe that it would come back. Then one day, after yet another excuse, I realised something, I'd given up. This was not a rough patch, the man I loved had thrown in the towel.

This was not even the worst of it, I was with a guy for what ended up being about 8 weeks. He love bombed me and as I had not been in a BDSM relationship in so long, I'm ashamed to say that I fell for it. Even as old as I was and aware of it. It was not long until the mask slipped, I had dived into a relationship with a man that was severely depressed, was lying to me about things as important as his age and was living in a shit hole of a room that looked more like it needed to be condemned. And on top of that, had managed to outsource all domming of me to a bloody app! 

Yes, I am still mad at that one. Both at him and myself. He will be coming up again, I am sure.

Now, I know that BDSM relationships are hard work, I'm under no illusion there. I've been in and out of kink/BDSM relationships since I was 19 and I'm about to hit 40. They have ebbs and flows, some times will have more kink that others. It can be hard to maintain your dynamic when the real world and day-to-day aspects like the washing up, job stress and all that start seeping in. But to vanish altogether? That's something I did not sign up for.

Because actually, it does not dry up altogether. They've got no problem expecting you to keep getting up to make them cups of tea, clean, make dinner, you name it. You turn into unpaid labour, you're a bangmaid without the bang. It's not BDSM, it's that they couldn't be arsed or couldn't afford to pay for a skivvy and you're in the frame. They'll also happily tell you all the things you can't do with your body, from cutting your hair to getting a piercing. Because they're the Dom and they are in charge. But that's where their effort begins and ends.

It doesn't just end there, there's the guilt for saying that I miss the BDSM, that I want it back. I should just be glad that they want to occasionally flip me over try to thrust their cock into my very dry cunt and give me their most mediocre 5 minutes. Because that's humiliating right? And that's what I like. No, it isn't humiliating. It's a turn off and I'm tired of it.

So that's why I am here, Miss Feral, the once owned and domesticated has released herself back into the wild. And maybe that's where I shall stay. Perhaps I am not built to be owned. Perhaps I'm not built for long term. I'm the thrill of something new, perhaps the untamable after all.

There was a guy who wasn't quite so low-effort. Nice bloke, and I feel credit where credit is due applies to him. Not that he is ever going to stumble upon this. But we were together for over a year and while I had grown bored, he was not kinky and I was, he never gave me the half-arsed vibes. But this post is not about him. But I hope wherever he is, he got his shit together and found Miss Right. He deserves to be happy in spite of his flaws.