That Time I Should Have Known Better

 I really fucked up with a bloke. I'm hardly the first to say that, but here we are. Since I'm no saint and am far as it gets from perfect, I thought I'd tell a story of my own stupidity. Oh, and when I also happened to predict the future.

So, this will require a little backstory...

I met two guys around the same time and made the mistake of dating the stoner who wasn't really going anywhere in life over the guy who basically worshipped the ground I walked on. Because I was convinced I was just dating the second guy because it felt "safe" yes I am fully aware of how dumb that sounds. But the long and the short is, I called time very abruptly on the second guy, we'll call him accountant.

Nearly 5 years later I was still with stoner, and miserable. He had gone on and on that he wanted to be in an open relationship (oh, that made me feel good) and in the end I told him to go for it. He decided he wanted me to be bonking other people too. So I rejoined a kinky dating site. A few days in, the second guy messaged me. We quickly took the messages off-site. I was out of my gourd on LSD at the time (I'm not an example to follow, ok?) and I had a sudden thought, this man is going to break my heart. Is there a hard drug equivalent of in vino veritas? Because there bloody well should be!

I already knew I hated being in an open relationship, I was the only one capable of getting their leg over with someone else, and he very much made that my problem. It's almost like women don't find entitled, depressed stoners that always have to have their way sexy. Funny that. I decided to leave. Accountant and me were messaging around the clock and organising meeting up. Then one day, the messages stopped. 

I got fucking ghosted!

It really fucked me up, I already didn't have the greatest trust when it came to relationships and this just ended it altogether for me. Just as I had said, that man was going to break my heart. And her did. 

Last year, when I had been ditched last minute by my so-called Dom, I got shitfaced, don't worry I've quit the hard stuff and was just white-girl wasted on wine. I logged into that dating site and drunk messaged accountant. But I was hammered and thought nothing of it. I'd never hear from him, right?

Wrong! Late summer, he sent me an email. He apologised and we talked again. We kept trying to sort out a time to meet up, but our diaries never matched up. I tried to sort something out. He wanted another shot, but the messages were half-arsed. Then one day, he didn't reply. 

Fucker ghosted me again!

But I actually didn't care this time. I knew that he was not the same person, he was unreliable. And when I didn't hear from him I felt this weird thing.

I felt relief. I felt like I could draw a line under who we were and finally move on. I still think about him every now and then, and I don't know if he is no longer my go-to drunk message. I doubt it. But at least I can say I'm over him. I do hope he stubs his toe. It's the least he deserves.